Headlines – February 17th

After a long hiatus…

U.S. District Judge Andrew Hanen agreed to put a hold on Obama’s orders regarding Immigration and deportation, effecting as many as five million people. “The genie would be impossible to put back into the bottle,” he wrote, and added “Wish-granting genie’s would be allowed to stay”.

Snow and ice once again blasted the northeast and mid-atlantic areas of the US in what meteorologists are calling “winter”.

Apple is purportedly working on a self driving car. Names being considered include “iHitATree, iWishI’dWaited, iHaveBuyersRemorse and Apple Pray”.

Kanye has introduced a line of shoes called Yeezy that has a built in sensor and battery that jolts you out of your seat whenever an award is not given to Beyonce.

Five students in a Pennsylvania school district were accidentally given word search puzzles based on the movie 50 Shades of Gray, which included words such as Leather Cuffs and Spanking. The students initially thought it was based on occurrences in the Teacher’s Lounge.

Greek archaeologists found an ancient pair of skeletons in a grave that apparently died embracing each other. Initially there were questions regarding the relationship of these two individuals, but after further study, it appears that each skeleton had its hands wrapped around the other’s neck, clearly indicating an ancient married couple.

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